For as long as I can remember I have been both highly reflective and curious
Early in my life, I developed a deep sense of compassion for those who suffer, including myself, and that drove me to be introspective. My passive disposition as a child was balanced with a highly active mind. I became intrigued with human behavior from an early age.
Finding balance between opposites is something I have long known. My life story is sated with intense emotional experiencing and insight from deep thought. I find it essential to balance out the heart and the head with emotional logic and meaning making.
FINE TUNING THE HEART
When I was a young boy, my mother gave me one of the greatest gifts a child could receive. She gave me the consistent message that I had a "heart of gold.” Long before I knew what she meant, I felt empowered by her message and her belief in me.
While in my adolescence, I became fascinated with the inner workings of a shiny pocket watch that I had torn apart. The moving gears and springs were quite intricate, and all of the parts worked in harmony. I imagined my heart must be at least as complicated, and I mused that my battery came with a lifetime warranty.
Throughout my childhood, I experienced many moments of connection with others that filled me with love and joy, and at other times such great pain that it felt like my heart might just explode, scattering gears and springs in all directions.
Many young hearts of gold have been tarnished early in life, weathering the pain of neglect, abandonment, or rejection. For some, parents and caregivers had the time, resources, and abilities to protect, support and nurture us. For others, the corrosive nature of criticism, condemnation, or judgment from parents, caregivers, or peers became like rust to the sensitive gears of the emerging sense of self. The inner harmony was lost, replaced by an ongoing struggle to feel loved, understood, cherished, and safe.
Each and every one of us began to make meaning of our experiences in a somatic, emotional, and cognitive way. We established attachment strategies to get our needs met and deal with the pain when our needs weren’t met. These attachment strategies were created before we could fully understand our own experience of dependence on others for survival. Science shows that we are wired for connection, and our childhood strategies become our default in adult relationships until we adapt them to our adult experience. When relationships become painful, we often need someone to help us fine tune our hearts to work in sync with our body, mind, and soul.
Drawing from Emotionally Focused Therapy, Attachment Theory, Internal Family Systems, current research, and age old wisdom, I help clients become consciously aware of how their emotions, perceptions, assumptions, expectations, beliefs and judgements create a complicated neurological network that automatically reacts to interpersonal and intrapersonal relationship distress.
When working with couples, I facilitate emotionally focused conversations and experiences that align the hearts of gold that each partner was born with. Clients often experience greater clarity, understanding, and emotional resonance within and between each partner. They learn the art of communication that fosters connection.
